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00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:04,870
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,240
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
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00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,880
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,183
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,790
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:29,895
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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Peter, we've got to talk.
Yeah.
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00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:39,971
I'm concerned about
Stewie's preschool.
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00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,140
Look what they're
serving at snack time.
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Is... Is that...
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It's dog milk.
15
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They're serving dog
milk to our children.
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Oh, sweet, dilk.
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00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:50,927
I don't want Stewie
in that school anymore.
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00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,996
It seems like it's
really gone downhill.
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She's not wrong to worry.
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00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,333
There's a sign in
the bathroom that says,
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00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:58,101
"If it's brown,
let it mellow."
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Sometimes it
crests the toilet lid.
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00:01:00,076 --> 00:01:02,410
Peter, I think we should send
Stewie to Corridors.
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00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,711
I know it's a little pricey,
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00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:05,225
but it's the best
preschool in the area.
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00:01:05,249 --> 00:01:06,348
Really?
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00:01:06,416 --> 00:01:07,560
Is that the one
where they make 'em dress
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00:01:07,584 --> 00:01:08,761
in the little shorts and hats
29
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like the guy in AC/DC?
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00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:11,710
Yeah, why does he
wear that outfit?
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'Cause he rocks.
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00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:14,273
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
33
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When I picked this,
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I didn't know
I'd have to wear
it when I'm 60!
35
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,679
I'm very cold!
36
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,499
You know what seems
like a lie to me?
37
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A Forever Stamp
that says "Love" on it.
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Oh, you want to go ahead of me?
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Hey, how are you?
40
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You know what seems
like a lie to me?
41
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,582
I can help the
fourth person in line.
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One, two,
three. Yes!
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Cleveland, you work here?
44
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Yup, finally landed
myself a job.
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Hey, what can Brown do for you?
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00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:51,059
(LAUGHING)
47
00:01:51,127 --> 00:01:53,628
That's our competitor, though.
I'm not supposed to say that.
48
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,642
It's grounds for
dismissal if anyone
49
00:01:55,666 --> 00:01:57,544
ever got fired here,
but they don't.
50
00:01:57,568 --> 00:01:58,900
Well, good for you.
51
00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,735
Oh, could I get
a return receipt for this?
52
00:02:00,804 --> 00:02:03,572
It's Stewie's
registration form
for his new school.
53
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,418
Little Poppa Stew-Stew's
off to college?
54
00:02:05,442 --> 00:02:07,876
No, just preschool.
He's very young.
55
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Can you just charge me
my weirdly uneven
price so I can be done?
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00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:14,082
All right,
that's $2.16.
57
00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:17,953
$4.37 if you want to
send it the priority.
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00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:19,788
Oh, no, we got to start
saving our pennies
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00:02:19,856 --> 00:02:21,957
now that we're sending
Stewie to a new school.
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I'm actually doing
some job hunting
after this.
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00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:25,337
MAN: Let's go up there!
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You know, Lois,
the post office is hiring.
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Really? Oh, wow!
That'd be great.
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00:02:30,166 --> 00:02:32,378
Yeah, I'd be happy to
get you an interview,
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00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:35,003
and as a white woman,
you'd be a minority here,
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unless you're an alcoholic.
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00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,202
Wow, this place is really fancy.
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00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:54,156
Their Flat Stanley is
actually award-winning
actor Stanley Tucci.
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00:02:54,224 --> 00:02:58,359
Sometimes I wear glasses
and sometimes I don't.
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Hi, I'm Chadley.
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00:02:59,797 --> 00:03:02,241
I've been
kidnapped three times
because I come from money.
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00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,032
Oh, yes, I've heard
about your family.
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00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,068
You've had two older
brothers die of drugs?
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00:03:06,136 --> 00:03:07,469
That's right.
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00:03:07,537 --> 00:03:10,116
Stewie, what would you
say to a playdate at
my house tomorrow?
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That sounds delightful.
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My word, it feels so good
to finally be where I belong.
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00:03:15,512 --> 00:03:18,480
Like Judd Hirsch
at the gigantic sweater store.
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00:03:18,548 --> 00:03:21,349
Hi, all five of
us are Judd Hirsch.
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00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:23,785
Do you have a sweater
big enough to fit all of us?
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00:03:25,222 --> 00:03:27,382
Okay, everybody climb in.
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Ah, I can't wait to
spill soup on this.
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00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,581
Okay, Judds, shamble away.
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00:03:39,269 --> 00:03:42,503
Good having you aboard, Lois.
Let me show you around.
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That guy right
there? Larry.
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00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,007
Okay, got it.
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00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:49,677
And what's this giant, empty,
football stadium-sized room?
88
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:53,231
Oh, the post office
anticipates that within
the next five years
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00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,800
at least 200 million
men in this country
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00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:58,336
will be ordering and
receiving RealDolls.
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00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,373
Every man will have
seven to nine RealDolls.
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00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,453
Asians, blonde Southern girls,
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00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:07,679
blonde Asians
capable of performing
every possible sexual act,
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00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,748
or at least
incapable of refusing.
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00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:13,056
You can put one in
your car and drive in
the carpool lane with it
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00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,064
and then maybe you
push her head down,
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00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,355
thus defeating the purpose
of the carpool lane
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00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,835
while fulfilling
the purpose
of the RealDoll.
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00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:21,326
Maybe a trucker goes by.
100
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,895
You say, "Hey, Janine,
give him a show."
101
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:26,931
Maybe later you ask yourself
some tough questions, like,
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00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,246
"Why is it so important
to you to impress and
excite truckers?"
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00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,981
Anyhoo, grab that letter opener.
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00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,365
I'm gonna show you
why you should
never mail cash.
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00:04:38,962 --> 00:04:40,306
Another good postal tip is
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00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:42,308
if you wait to
deliver your mail
at night,
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00:04:42,332 --> 00:04:45,266
you can smell a lot
of really nice dinners.
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00:04:45,335 --> 00:04:47,702
Oh, no, it's that Amazon drone.
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00:04:47,771 --> 00:04:49,337
Try to ignore it.
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00:04:49,406 --> 00:04:51,651
Hey, Cleveland,
what are you doing?
Taking a walk?
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00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:53,441
No, I'm delivering mail.
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00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:56,177
By foot? Yeah,
that won't take too long.
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00:04:56,246 --> 00:04:57,546
Well, got to go.
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00:04:57,614 --> 00:05:00,494
Got to deliver
these fat pants
to your fat son.
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00:05:01,185 --> 00:05:03,329
He was harsh but not untruthful.
116
00:05:03,353 --> 00:05:05,432
We got to special-order
Cleveland Jr.'s pants
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00:05:05,456 --> 00:05:08,776
from a company
that manufactures
grill covers.
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00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,292
Thanks for coming over, Stewie.
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00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,716
Oh, thanks for having me.
Quite a place you've got here.
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00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:18,983
Your mother seemed nice.
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00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:21,931
Yeah, I've only met
her a couple of times,
but yeah.
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00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,155
This is my bedroom.
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00:05:28,045 --> 00:05:31,446
Is that car bed a Bentley?
And is that guy the driver?
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00:05:31,515 --> 00:05:34,048
Ready for this evening's trip
to Snoozetown, sir?
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00:05:34,117 --> 00:05:35,716
Not yet.
126
00:05:35,786 --> 00:05:38,853
Sad story.
He used to drive the bed
for Michael Jackson's monkey.
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00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,989
I've seen some terrible things.
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00:05:41,057 --> 00:05:42,623
This is extraordinary.
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00:05:42,692 --> 00:05:44,203
Oh, it's fine, I suppose,
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00:05:44,227 --> 00:05:47,006
but you probably have
even nicer things
at your mansion.
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I'd love to come
see it sometime.
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00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:51,166
Oh, um...
Yes, yes, my mansion.
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Yes, you should
come see my mansion,
by all means.
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00:05:54,204 --> 00:05:57,705
I mean, not right this minute.
I have the US Men's
Wrestling Team there.
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00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,007
I'm gonna kill a wrestler...
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00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:00,319
But then after that, you should.
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00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:01,575
I can't wait.
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00:06:01,644 --> 00:06:03,489
Come on, let's go see
if the maid brought her son,
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00:06:03,513 --> 00:06:06,247
so we can push him
and he can't do anything.
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00:06:06,316 --> 00:06:10,351
God, I like it here,
but what am I doing?
I don't have a fancy house.
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00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:13,071
I'm living a lie, like FDR.
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00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,523
And so I say to you, America,
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00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,726
we are going to win this war,
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00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,872
we're going to
end this Depression,
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00:06:19,896 --> 00:06:23,231
and there's no
reason to suspect
that I cannot walk.
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00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,116
God bless America!
147
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,184
(FANFARE)
148
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:33,191
And cut. The newsreel's over.
Thank you, Mr. President.
149
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,759
You're welcome, gentlemen.
150
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,596
Now, if you'd kindly
kick me into the closet
with the mops.
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00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,634
Ah!
152
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,102
Must be a Yale man.
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00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:45,470
Shut up.
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00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,276
Hello, loyal mailwoman.
155
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:53,478
This is a letter
to Hollywood saying,
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00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,813
"Keep it up!
Movies are great!"
157
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:58,733
Cleveland, what should
I do with this?
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00:06:58,802 --> 00:07:00,802
It just says "Hollywood, USA,"
159
00:07:00,871 --> 00:07:03,771
and this isn't a stamp,
it's the little
sticker from an apple.
160
00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:08,176
Oh, I can't never get
those off. I just eat them.
Anyway, just put it in here.
161
00:07:08,245 --> 00:07:09,377
But what's that?
162
00:07:09,446 --> 00:07:10,573
It's the dead letter bin.
163
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,708
It's all the stale
mail what never got
164
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,743
delivered for one
reason or the other.
165
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:18,069
Incomplete addresses,
house at the top of a hill,
166
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,856
anyone who uses one
of those French sevens
with a slash in it.
167
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,443
Well, this is horrible.
I'm going to organize these.
168
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,010
There might be
some we could resend.
169
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,824
That's above and beyond, Lois.
170
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:31,416
You know,
you do the uniform proud,
like I like to think I...
171
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,752
Oh, chili dog got me.
172
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,787
Look at all these.
This is a mess.
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00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,356
Here's two that
are stuck together.
174
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:41,009
What the hell?
This is from Peter.
175
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:46,764
Who the hell is Gretchen Mercer?
176
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:50,018
And this is postmarked
a week before our wedding!
177
00:07:55,024 --> 00:07:56,057
Oh.
178
00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,870
There was a time
when the president
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00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,095
of the Jonathan
Taylor Thomas Fan Club
180
00:08:00,163 --> 00:08:01,963
got a lot of mail.
181
00:08:09,105 --> 00:08:10,905
I don't know what to do, Bonnie.
182
00:08:10,974 --> 00:08:13,207
Why would Peter
write a letter
to another woman
183
00:08:13,276 --> 00:08:14,842
just before our wedding?
184
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,023
Why don't you just
open it and read it?
185
00:08:17,047 --> 00:08:20,448
What?
That's a federal offense.
I can't do that.
186
00:08:20,516 --> 00:08:22,316
Don't you realize,
as a postal employee,
187
00:08:22,385 --> 00:08:24,986
I'm 6,004th in line
for the presidency?
188
00:08:25,055 --> 00:08:27,066
Well, then why don't you
just deliver the letter
189
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,841
and see for yourself
who this Gretchen Mercer is?
190
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,809
Bonnie, that's a great idea.
191
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,778
Although it could
be a little awkward.
192
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,147
You could always
just ask Peter about it.
193
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,983
No, he won't talk
about anything serious
194
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,784
unless there's a crackling fire
195
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,737
to punctuate
uncomfortable
family revelations.
196
00:08:45,309 --> 00:08:47,041
I didn't fall off the roof.
197
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,844
I jumped.
198
00:08:49,913 --> 00:08:54,215
I never found you attractive,
and what's more,
I never respected you.
199
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:57,819
I know about Maurice.
200
00:09:00,056 --> 00:09:01,790
Which Maurice?
201
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,557
Oh, Brian, I need your help!
202
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:11,227
Chadley wants to
have a playdate,
here at my house!
203
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,861
Well, that's great.
No, it's not!
204
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,347
I can't let him see this dump.
205
00:09:14,371 --> 00:09:17,238
Come on, Stewie,
Chadley should
like you for who are.
206
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,840
Besides, this place
isn't so bad.
207
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:22,159
Brian, Chadley's parents
each have their own bathroom.
208
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,206
I've seen the fat man
pee through Lois' legs
209
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,163
while she's
sitting on the toilet.
210
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,310
What I've got to do
is find a spectacular house
211
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:30,752
that I can pretend is mine
to impress Chadley.
212
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,620
Why don't you just
use Babs and Carter's?
213
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:36,741
I can't, they're having
an Eyes Wide Shut
party all weekend.
214
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,321
I can't find my
wiener with this mask.
All right, time-out.
215
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,290
Let's... Let's all
just find our wieners
216
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,131
and then put the masks back on.
217
00:09:48,705 --> 00:09:51,772
Okay, 940, this is the house.
218
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:52,881
(RINGS DOORBELL)
219
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,810
Hi, are you Gretchen Mercer?
220
00:09:55,879 --> 00:09:57,445
Yes, may I help you?
221
00:09:57,513 --> 00:10:01,349
Oh, yeah, we found an
old letter addressed to you.
222
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,551
Peter Griffin?
223
00:10:03,619 --> 00:10:05,932
Wow! This is from
an old boyfriend.
224
00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:07,088
What?
225
00:10:07,157 --> 00:10:08,689
(GIGGLING NERVOUSLY)
226
00:10:08,758 --> 00:10:11,237
Wow! Well, here...
Here's the nutty thing,
believe it or not,
227
00:10:11,261 --> 00:10:14,329
I'm actually married
to Peter Griffin right now.
228
00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:16,831
Huh! That is quite
a coincidence.
229
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,220
I wonder why he was writing me.
230
00:10:20,971 --> 00:10:23,149
I see you move
your finger along
as you read.
231
00:10:23,173 --> 00:10:25,006
That's what little kids do.
232
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:26,541
Oh, it was nothing.
233
00:10:26,610 --> 00:10:29,255
He was just writing to say
that he was excited
about getting married
234
00:10:29,279 --> 00:10:31,457
and that he finally
had enough Camel Cash
235
00:10:31,481 --> 00:10:33,714
to get a leather
jacket and a pool floatie.
236
00:10:33,783 --> 00:10:36,784
Oh! Well, thank you, Gretchen.
I am very relieved.
237
00:10:36,852 --> 00:10:38,286
I was thinking the worst.
238
00:10:38,354 --> 00:10:41,634
Oh, I understand,
but you have nothing
to worry about.
239
00:10:41,691 --> 00:10:44,758
You're right.
I guess jealousy's
my weak spot.
240
00:10:44,827 --> 00:10:47,645
Everyone has one.
Even Achilles.
241
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,347
So, you can only be injured
on your Achilles' tendon?
242
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,917
That's right.
My mother dipped me
into the River Styx
243
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,351
and she held me by my heels,
244
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,353
so that's the only
part that can be injured.
245
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:57,722
How about you, Testiclies?
246
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:01,231
It's the same...
It's... It's...
It's similar.
247
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,468
So, what do you think
of the house, Brian?
248
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,637
As far as Chadley knows,
this is where I live.
249
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,450
Stewie, who owns this place?
250
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:17,942
Oh, Just some rich idiot
I saw bragging about his
vacation on Instagram.
251
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,211
He posted a picture
of his feet in sand.
252
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:21,713
You're a guy, don't do that.
253
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,147
What a dick.
254
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,927
Hey, I'll swallow
his dental floss.
255
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:26,796
You pull it out of me
and put it back on the roll.
256
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,419
Good call.
(DOOR BELL RINGS)
257
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,004
Ah, that must be Chadley.
258
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:33,458
Hi, Stewie.
I love your house.
259
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,808
Where are your servants?
260
00:11:34,877 --> 00:11:37,711
Oh, probably cooking bananas
and doing the cha-cha-cha.
261
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,614
You know, this is
a great house for a party.
262
00:11:39,682 --> 00:11:41,415
You could invite
the whole class.
263
00:11:41,484 --> 00:11:43,680
I say, that's a brilliant idea!
264
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,947
What the hell are you doing?
265
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,205
Relax, these people are gone
for a few more days.
266
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:50,575
I'll invite everyone over
and impress the whole class
in one shot.
267
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,510
That'll cover my
playdates for a year.
268
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:53,790
You really think that'll work?
269
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:54,913
Absolutely.
270
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,147
And when it does,
271
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,083
I'll be as popular as
the first kid in school
272
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,534
to get his driver's license.
273
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,986
Hey, heard you got your license.
274
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:05,301
Maybe after school,
you could take me
to get some groceries?
275
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,059
Yeah, or maybe you and me
hop in that car of yours
276
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,005
and do some grocery shopping?
277
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:12,530
Looks like you
have a roomy backseat.
278
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:15,866
I'd love to fill
that with groceries
after school.
279
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,535
Hey, it's Stewie.
280
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,421
All I know about cars
is what my mom does.
281
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,360
(KNOCK ON THE DOOR)
282
00:12:27,263 --> 00:12:29,764
Gretchen? Wow!
You look great!
283
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,466
Yeah, I didn't have kids.
284
00:12:31,534 --> 00:12:34,213
Oh, yeah, of course,
but what the hell
are you doing here?
285
00:12:34,237 --> 00:12:35,965
I haven't seen you in 20 years!
286
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,256
Peter, I finally
got your letter.
287
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,568
You know, the one where you said
288
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,826
that you were having doubts
about marrying Lois
289
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:44,829
and you still had thoughts
about marrying me.
290
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,226
Gretchen,
I wrote that
a long time ago.
291
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:51,419
Well, my answer is yes, Peter.
Yes, I will marry you!
292
00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:53,387
Gretchen,
I am already happily...
293
00:12:53,456 --> 00:12:56,418
Moderately...
Relative... I am...
I am married.
294
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,843
Oh, then I suppose
your wife is entitled to know
295
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:02,313
that you were
still in love with me
just days before your wedding.
296
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,382
(GASPS) Blackmail!
297
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,084
Thank you, Cleveland.
298
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:09,273
And I don't know
what to call the thing
you're doing to me, lady.
299
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,506
Look, Gretchen,
I know I wrote
you that letter,
300
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:21,866
and I meant it at the time,
but that was 20 years ago.
301
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,901
I may have had some doubts
before my wedding,
302
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,769
but what guy doesn't?
303
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:29,056
And now I know
I made the right
choice marrying Lois.
304
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:32,826
(SIGHS) Well, she's
a lucky woman, and I'm
sorry for what I said.
305
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,440
I certainly
don't want to cause
any trouble for you.
306
00:13:35,464 --> 00:13:36,876
It's just that when
I got this letter,
307
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,562
it reminded me
how sweet and funny
you always were.
308
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,853
That's nice, but I should go.
309
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,455
Thanks for not
making fun of me for
ordering a hot chocolate,
310
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,423
and go ahead and
look into Facebook
311
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,359
'cause this is
kind of what it's for.
312
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,962
Wait, before we say
our final good-bye,
313
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,308
what do you say we
have one last hurrah?
314
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,801
I've got two tickets
to a Ray LaMontagne
concert tonight.
315
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,436
Oh, I... I'm not sure
that's a good idea.
316
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,822
It feels a little weird
going out with another lady.
317
00:14:01,891 --> 00:14:04,725
Oh, come on, Peter,
I drove all this way.
318
00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:07,114
Let me go home with
one last good memory,
319
00:14:07,163 --> 00:14:08,323
and then I promise,
320
00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:10,748
you have heard the last
of Gretchen Mercer.
321
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,650
Well, I should probably say no,
322
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,152
but I've never been known
for my good judgment.
323
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,702
I mean, that's how
I got into trouble
with the Peter-catcher.
324
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:24,812
Oh, Peter!
Come and get your lollipops!
(BELL RINGING)
325
00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:28,182
Lollipops! Come along, Peter!
326
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:29,750
Peter, you mustn't.
327
00:14:29,819 --> 00:14:32,086
I've got cream pies.
328
00:14:32,154 --> 00:14:33,688
Trinkle tarts.
329
00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:35,022
Trinkle tarts!
330
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,007
(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)
331
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,077
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
332
00:14:41,063 --> 00:14:42,897
I'm gonna get so molested.
333
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,124
Oh, Peter, you can take
off your hat and jacket.
334
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:56,160
It's not illegal
for two old friends
to go to a concert.
335
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,506
Yeah, I guess you're right.
336
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,875
I mean it's not
like anybody I know
337
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,177
would be at a Ray
LaMontagne concert.
338
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:02,600
MAN: Peter!
339
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:03,812
Where'd he go?
340
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,047
I'm... I'm gonna
keep the hat on.
341
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,371
I'm sorry, Gretchen.
This was a mistake.
342
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,840
I just feel too guilty
being out with another woman.
343
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,592
I can't do this to Lois.
344
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:14,161
Oh! I understand.
(CHUCKLES)
345
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:17,298
Well, I guess there's no shame
in coming in second, huh?
346
00:15:17,367 --> 00:15:18,499
That's right.
347
00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:20,468
Except in like, wars.
348
00:15:20,537 --> 00:15:23,671
Aw, you are still
funny, sweet Peter.
349
00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:25,306
Yeah, I guess so.
350
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,287
All right, I got to go.
The beard inspector's
coming, anyway.
351
00:15:28,311 --> 00:15:29,622
Uh, sir, where's your beard?
352
00:15:29,646 --> 00:15:31,406
I'm leaving.
I'm on my way out.
353
00:15:31,914 --> 00:15:33,414
That's my Peter.
354
00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:36,217
That's my Peter!
355
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,436
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
356
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,223
Oh, looks like you're
actually gonna get away
with this, Stewie.
357
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:50,014
And you threw a good party.
358
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:51,627
Yeah, it's getting pretty wild.
359
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,446
Over in the guest
bedroom there's
a girl pulling a train.
360
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:56,637
This'll show my dad.
361
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,350
By the way,
how'd you pay
for all this?
362
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,886
I dated
Donald Sterling
for two weeks.
363
00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:04,745
He's a good man!
You don't know
him like I know him!
364
00:16:06,248 --> 00:16:07,682
People. People?
365
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:10,868
As your rich host,
I would like to
say a word if I may.
366
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,187
I cannot tell you
how pleased I am
367
00:16:13,256 --> 00:16:15,133
to have finally
found a group of peers
368
00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:17,425
with whom I share
so many common interests
369
00:16:17,494 --> 00:16:20,414
and here come
the people who live here.
(DOOR OPENS)
370
00:16:22,131 --> 00:16:23,413
Please let me explain!
371
00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:25,766
I was just worried
you wouldn't accept me
372
00:16:25,835 --> 00:16:28,101
because I'm not
wealthy like you are.
373
00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:30,270
Stewie, it's not
that you're poor.
374
00:16:30,339 --> 00:16:32,923
It's that you lied
to us and you're poor.
375
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:41,065
I'm sorry you lost
your rich friends, Stewie.
376
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,367
Well, that's all right,
I don't need money.
377
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,486
I already have
everything I need.
378
00:16:45,555 --> 00:16:50,041
Excuse me,
is one of you Chadley?
You left your wallet inside.
379
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,343
Chicka-chickaw.
380
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,879
Well, that "chicka-chickaw"
makes me think you're
not Chadley.
381
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,632
Oh, no!
I chicka-chickawed too early!
382
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,901
Hey, Lois, you mind
if I cut out of here?
383
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,469
Not at all.
Thanks.
384
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,105
Not to be too intimate,
but I need to have
a bowel movement
385
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,429
and I can't go here.
386
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:14,164
I can only go at home
or at the Koo Koo Roo.
387
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:21,055
Hello? Is someone there?
388
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:25,192
I thought I heard something
over the roar of my tinnitus.
389
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:26,927
I'm... I'm sure it's nothing.
390
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,398
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Ooh, a text.
391
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:38,489
"I'm taking care of our problem.
392
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,425
"We'll be together soon.
Love, Gretchen."
393
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,026
Huh!
394
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:46,241
Meg, you're kind of
a loner psychopath.
What does this mean?
395
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:49,900
Oh, this woman is
clearly a spurned lover
who's planning to kill Mom.
396
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,469
Ah, thank you.
397
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,171
(SHRIEKS)
398
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,274
You're a good dog, Meg.
(SHRIEKS)
399
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:05,732
Well, well, well,
if it isn't the first
Mrs. Griffin.
400
00:18:05,801 --> 00:18:08,218
Gretchen?
What are you doing here?
401
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:10,398
Making sure Peter
can finally be with me,
402
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,790
which is what
he's always wanted.
403
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:16,761
Gretchen,
it's 3:15 on a workday.
The post office is closed.
404
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,596
Lois! Gretchen
wants to kill you,
405
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,915
and I have a slip that says
we've got a package?
406
00:18:20,984 --> 00:18:23,195
Peter, I'm glad
you're here
to see this.
407
00:18:23,219 --> 00:18:25,452
You and I can
finally be together.
408
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,351
Peter, what's going on?
409
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:32,359
She's nuts,
is what's going on!
I don't want to be with her!
410
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:35,074
Oh, yeah?
That's not
what you wrote.
411
00:18:35,098 --> 00:18:38,160
That's right.
I lied about what
was in that letter.
412
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,586
Lois,
Lois, before you read that,
you need to know one thing,
413
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,288
I'm the one throwing out
all your beige bras.
414
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,592
Guys don't like beige bras.
415
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,728
You told an ex-girlfriend
a week before our wedding
416
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,096
you were having doubts?
417
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,431
Lois, Lois, listen to me.
418
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,832
Yes, it is true,
419
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,169
just before we got married,
I was having some doubts.
420
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:02,440
I mean, your family hated me.
I didn't think I was
good enough for you.
421
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,443
We were kids,
I was scared.
Weren't you?
422
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:09,280
No, I was in love,
which is what
I thought you were, too.
423
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:11,315
I was in love, Lois.
424
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,549
And I still am.
425
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,296
Not a day goes by
where I don't thank
426
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,220
my lucky stars for picking you.
427
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,222
It was the best
choice I ever made.
428
00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:21,108
Now,
put that gun down, Gretchen.
You don't have to do this.
429
00:19:21,177 --> 00:19:24,544
That's right, you don't,
because you can have him.
430
00:19:24,613 --> 00:19:25,646
What?
431
00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:27,259
I'll never forgive
you for this, Peter.
432
00:19:27,283 --> 00:19:29,316
We're through!
433
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:33,771
Oh, Peter! I can't wait
for you to meet the dogs
and the squirrels.
434
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,106
LOIS: Hey, Gretchen?
435
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,174
(GRUNTING)
436
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,244
Get away from my husband.
437
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,616
Wait, so you're not mad?
438
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,853
No, Peter, I was lying
so she'd let her guard down.
439
00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:50,421
But what about the letter?
440
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,168
Peter, do you
remember me crying
at our wedding?
441
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,592
Sure, it's in all our pictures.
442
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,027
That's doubt.
443
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,106
But there's no doubt anymore.
444
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,714
You're the only man
for me, Peter Griffin.
445
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:01,815
Ah!
446
00:20:01,884 --> 00:20:03,617
I love you, Lois.
447
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:06,987
Oh, Peter.
448
00:20:07,056 --> 00:20:10,874
Now come on,
let's get it on
through a PO box.
449
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,263
LOIS: Peter,
this isn't working.
450
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,544
Well, I'm at full go.
451
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:15,424
Are you sure you're
in the right box?
Yes.
452
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:16,680
Box 528?
453
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:17,948
Yes, 528.
454
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:20,856
All right,
just reach in
and grab it.
455
00:20:24,273 --> 00:20:27,758
Wow, Mom,
I can't believe you got
fired from the post office.
456
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:31,111
Well, they didn't like me
beating up Gretchen
on federal property,
457
00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:33,547
and then after your father
plugged up that PO box,
458
00:20:33,616 --> 00:20:35,927
there was a mutual
parting of the ways.
459
00:20:35,951 --> 00:20:37,951
Well, Stewie,
I guess since
Lois lost her job,
460
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:39,264
you're not going
to be able to go
461
00:20:39,288 --> 00:20:40,432
to that fancy preschool anymore.
462
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,301
Ah, I don't need school.
I'll be fine.
463
00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:44,936
I'll just
become a YouTube star
like Jenna Marbles.
464
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,026
Who's that?
465
00:20:46,094 --> 00:20:47,138
No one knows, but she's rich.
466
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:49,162
As rich as Ray William Johnson.
467
00:20:49,231 --> 00:20:50,331
Who's that?
468
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,943
Nobody knows, but he's rich.
469
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:55,703
As rich as Bethany Mota
or Marcus Butler
or Ingrid Nilsen.
470
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:57,738
This? This is over.